Boom Boom

What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. 

While attending a Marriage Weekend, My wife and I, listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.."

He then addressed the men,

'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?' 

I leaned over, touched my wife's hand gently, and whispered,

Homepride Self-Raising, isn’t it? 

And thus began my life of celibacy.........

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You'll be fine," the doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery.
"But," she asked, "how long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again, doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, then his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek.
The girl was alarmed.
"What's the matter doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no-one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

Never fart in a wetsuit

The end of quarantine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ifVQ6D0kFU

Tragic fire.

https://youtu.be/-mKcgguJM7c

I asked my missus to dress up in her nurse's uniform yesterday. She got all excited and asked what I was going to do.
I said I'm driving you up to the supermarket to get some bread.

French fishermen 1:
I caught a UK shrimp today.
French fisherman 2:
How do you know it’s from the UK?
French fisherman 1:
When I emptied the net it rose up and said “I’m a lobster.”

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I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.
I shouted. “Where you off to Charlie”?

He said “I'm off to change a light bulb”.

Well, I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing.
I said. “That's gonna be a bit awkward init”?

“Not really”, he said “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard”.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

An old married couple are in church one Sunday… when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?” The husband turned to her and says, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”