Boom Boom

A bloke goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled out a large syringe to give an anaesthetic shot. "No way, no needles! I hate needles!" the bloke said.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and he said, "I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me! The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill. "No," he says, "I'm fine with pills."
The dentist gave him two little blue pills and he swallowed them. "What are those?" he asked. "Viagra," she replied. "I'll be damned," said the patient, "I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer." "It doesn't," said the dentist, "But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth out."

SENIORS & COMPUTERS..........
As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric (the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control) and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him 'So, what was wrong?'
He replied 'It was an ID ten T error.' I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'
'No' I replied.
'Write it down' he said 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:
ID10T
I used to like Eric, the little shit head.
If you're not a Senior yet, send this to someone who is.

A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. .. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it, there was a tattoo that read: 'Keep off the grass'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty, KGH London
Dr. wouldn't submit his name

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☘ Baptising Paddy ☘

Paddy is stumbling through the woods after he'd been Celebrating *St. Patrick's Day* for quite a few Hours ..

Then he comes upon a Preacher Baptising people in the river ...

He proceeds into the water , subsequently bumping into the Preacher ...

The Preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of Alcohol , whereupon , he asks him ,
"Are you ready to find Jesus ...?"

Paddy shouts ,
"Yes , oi am ...!!"

So the Preacher grabs him by the back of the Neck , and dunks him in the water ...

He pulls him back up and asks , "Brother , have you found Jesus ..?"

Paddy replies , "No, oi haven't found Jesus ...!"

The Preacher , shocked at the answer , dunks him Again , but for a little longer ...

He again pulls him out of the water and asks , "Have you found Jesus , me brother ...! ?"

Paddy answers , "No, oi haven't found Jesus ..!"

By this time , the Preacher is at his wits end , and dunks the drunk Paddy again ..--.. but THIS time holds him down for about 30 seconds ...,

and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about , he pulls him up ...

The Preacher again asks him , "For the love of God , have you found Jesus ..?"

Paddy staggers upright , wipes his eyes , coughs up a bit of water , catches his breath , and says to the Preacher ,

"Are you sure THIS is where he Fell in" ..! ?

A rickety old woman walks into a sex shop. She is having trouble walking and half hobbles and half hops over to the counter,
She eventually makes it and holds on for dear life,
She says to the bloke behind the counter, “D-d-d-d-d-ooo yo-yo-you s-s-s-sell
d-d-d-d-dildos-s-s“ ?,
The bloke says “Yes madam we sell dildos, in fact, we sell all sorts, in all shapes and sizes.“
The woman says“ D-d-d-do yo-yo-you h-h-h-have w-w-w-wun th-th-that is sm-sm-small and b-b-b-black, s-s-s-six i-i-in-in-inches l-l-l-long but three i-i-i-i-inches th-th-thick?“.
The bloke says“ Well yes madam we do, in fact, that's one of the most popular models.“
W-w-w-well c-c-c-c-can you t-t-t-tell m-m-m-me e-e how –w-w-w to t-t-t-t-turn –n-n-n the blu-blu- bluddy thing g-g-g off f-f-f?.