Boom Boom

A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called "The Knob" where a small knob is placed at the top of a woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face lift.Of course the woman said she would have one.
Over the years the woman tightened the knob and the effects were wonderful and she remained young looking and vibrant.
After 20 years the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
All these years,she said,everything has been working just fine.I've turned the knob many times and loved the results but now I've developed two annoying problems.
First I've got these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob just won't shift them.
The doctor examined her closely and said"Those aren't bags they are your breasts."Oh,said the woman disappointed.
Well,she continued",I don't suppose there's any point in me enquiring about my goatee."

best one yet Andy

Eileen and her husband Bob went for counselling after
25 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into
a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25
years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet
needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up,
walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her,
unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them
thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a
raised eyebrow!
Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat
down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.
The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a
week.. Can you do this?'
Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I
can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays ...
But on Tuesdays
, Thursdays and Fridays I play bowls

Did you know that the actor,Yul Brynner,was a Liverpool FC fan?
Despite his perpetually shaved head he never used aftershave.

That's right. Yul never wore cologne.

Sitting quietly at home when the phone rang and a man started singing to me.
"I am the dandy highwayman who you're too scared to mention.I spend my cash on looking flash and grabbing your attention."
I told him repeatedly that he had the wrong number. But he was adamant.