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Boom Boom
Re: Boom Boom
by El Buho » Mon Jun 14, 2021 9:14 am
My wife asked for something black & lacy for her birthday, so I bought her a pair of football boots
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El Buho - Posts: 984
- Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2016 10:48 am
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Ciudad Quesada
- Gender: Male
Re: Boom Boom
by Big Wheeler » Tue Jun 15, 2021 4:49 pm
My mate has 2 spare tickets for the England v Scotland match at Wembley.He paid £100 each but realised after he bought them that the game was the same time as his covid postponed rearranged wedding.If you are interested he's looking for someone to take his place.
The wedding is at the Reg.Office at 14.30 hrs.The bride's name is Barbara.She's about 5' 4" and 8 stones.She's also quite pretty,has her own income,and is a good cook.
The wedding is at the Reg.Office at 14.30 hrs.The bride's name is Barbara.She's about 5' 4" and 8 stones.She's also quite pretty,has her own income,and is a good cook.
- Big Wheeler
- Posts: 578
- Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 4:18 pm
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Algorfa
- Gender: Male
Re: Boom Boom
by Big Wheeler » Wed Jun 16, 2021 4:47 pm
Coming back from the shop yesterday I saw a man carrying a 12ft.pole.Being nosey and sarky I said "Are you a pole vaulter?"
He said"No I'm German but how did you know my name is Walter."
He said"No I'm German but how did you know my name is Walter."
- Big Wheeler
- Posts: 578
- Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 4:18 pm
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Algorfa
- Gender: Male
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Chrisdee - Posts: 12208
- Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2016 12:36 pm
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Torrevieja
- Gender: Female
Re: Boom Boom
by andywyatt » Thu Jun 17, 2021 6:35 pm
Dear Wife,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you jacked your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever! the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to The Black Isle together! Have a great life!
********
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating curry 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my SISTER had just borrowed £50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for £14 million, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to the Maldives but when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me.. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my SISTER Donna was born Donald. I hope that's not a problem.
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you jacked your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever! the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to The Black Isle together! Have a great life!
********
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating curry 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my SISTER had just borrowed £50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for £14 million, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to the Maldives but when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me.. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my SISTER Donna was born Donald. I hope that's not a problem.
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andywyatt - Posts: 665
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2015 11:50 am
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Torrevieja
- Gender: Male
Re: Boom Boom
by Big Wheeler » Mon Jun 21, 2021 10:57 pm
I was watching two council workers in the street wondering what they were doing.
One of them dug a hole in the ground,then the second filled it in.They did this several times and curiosity got the better of me.
I asked them what they were doing.The first said well we are normally a three man team with a tree planter but he rang in sick this morning and took the day off.
One of them dug a hole in the ground,then the second filled it in.They did this several times and curiosity got the better of me.
I asked them what they were doing.The first said well we are normally a three man team with a tree planter but he rang in sick this morning and took the day off.
- Big Wheeler
- Posts: 578
- Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 4:18 pm
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Algorfa
- Gender: Male
Re: Boom Boom
by marcliff » Fri Aug 06, 2021 11:42 am
Important Laws Newton Forgot to State
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
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marcliff - Posts: 9694
- Joined: Sat Mar 03, 2012 4:41 pm
- Location: Doña Pepa 2
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Dona Pepa 2
- Gender: Male
Re: Boom Boom
by andywyatt » Fri Aug 06, 2021 4:26 pm
prospective Sister-In-Law
I was a very happy person.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me .. it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-skirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts.
It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car!
I was a very happy person.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me .. it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-skirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts.
It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car!
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andywyatt - Posts: 665
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2015 11:50 am
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Torrevieja
- Gender: Male
Re: Boom Boom
by Dot » Sat Aug 07, 2021 10:41 am
marcliff wrote:Important Laws Newton Forgot to State
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
- Dot
- Posts: 1642
- Joined: Wed Oct 26, 2011 10:20 am
- Which part of Spain are you from?: lo marabu
- Gender: Female
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Chrisdee - Posts: 12208
- Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2016 12:36 pm
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Torrevieja
- Gender: Female
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