Boom Boom

Please BE WARNED!
Over the last month men have become victims of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Tesco supermarket for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience.
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking voluptuous 20-21-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another supermarket, in my case, Lidl.
You agree and they both get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing, until both are completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet was stolen July 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. On August 1st, 4th, 6th, 10th and 13th and twice yesterday.
So please warn all the older men you know to be on the lookout for this scam.
The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.
P.S. Aldi has cheap wallets on sale for £1.99 each but Lidl wallets are £1.75 and look better.

A bloke goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine."
"Have you ever worked for the public service before?"
"Yes, I was in the army." he says, "I was in Iraq for two tours."
The interviewer says, "Excellent - that will give you 5 extra points toward
employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was there and I lost both
of my testicles".
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for
me to take you on right away. Our normal hours are from 8.00 am to 4.00 pm...
.but you can start tomorrow at 10.00 am - and carry on starting at 10.00 am
every day."
The bloke is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8.00 am to 4.00 pm,
why don't you want me here until 10.00 am? I'm not looking for any special
treatment y'know"
"What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the interviewer
says,
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and
scratching our bollocks. There's no f---ing point in you coming in for that"

An Italian Mama
Mrs Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it.
But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son
Anthony
Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his MaMa which read:
Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama
Moral:
Never Bulla Shita you Mama

Chrisdee wrote:

Screenshot_2021-08-22-16-40-58-1.png

1. Just like that. 1969 was 50 years ago.

2. You never appreciate what you have till it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

3. You drop some thing when you're young you just pick it up.You drop something when you're old you stare at it for a while contemplating if you really need it anymore.

CAtholic Parrots...
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots,
But they only know to say one thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest asked.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment.....
'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.
'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house...
As he ushered her in, She saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying... Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them...
After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence...
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,
'Put the beads away, Frank,
Our prayers have been answered!

[album][/album]