Join Talk Quesada
Welcome to Talk Quesada! My name's Alex and this is my website all about Ciudad Quesada in Spain. Talk Quesada is free to sign up and use so register below!
Boom Boom
-
Chrisdee - Posts: 12214
- Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2016 12:36 pm
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Torrevieja
- Gender: Female
Re: Boom Boom
by marcliff » Wed Jan 19, 2022 10:08 pm
Chrisdee wrote:IMG_20220119_211857.jpg
I know that Chinese bloke. I met him in a pub.
I said "You are obviously Chinese, do you know karate, tai kwon do or other martial arts?"
He said "Why do you want to know?"
I said "Because you're drinking my bloody beer and I want to find out if I should hit you".
-
marcliff - Posts: 9694
- Joined: Sat Mar 03, 2012 4:41 pm
- Location: Doña Pepa 2
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Dona Pepa 2
- Gender: Male
Re: Boom Boom
by andywyatt » Thu Jan 20, 2022 8:20 pm
The female athlete says to the Doctor "I've started growing a penis! I think it might be because I've been taking a lot of steroids"
Doctor asks "Anabolic?"
Female athlete replies "No, just a penis!"
Doctor asks "Anabolic?"
Female athlete replies "No, just a penis!"
-
andywyatt - Posts: 665
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2015 11:50 am
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Torrevieja
- Gender: Male
Re: Boom Boom
by andywyatt » Sun Jan 23, 2022 8:12 pm
Aussie Love Story -
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of
impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Anzac
bikkies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with
even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
Downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the
kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in
heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table here
literally hundreds of his favourite Anzac bickies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Aussie
wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand
trembled towards a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was
suddenly smacked by his wife with a spatula.
.................
"F#ck off" she said, "they're for the funeral."
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of
impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Anzac
bikkies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with
even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
Downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the
kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in
heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table here
literally hundreds of his favourite Anzac bickies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Aussie
wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand
trembled towards a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was
suddenly smacked by his wife with a spatula.
.................
"F#ck off" she said, "they're for the funeral."
-
andywyatt - Posts: 665
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2015 11:50 am
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Torrevieja
- Gender: Male
-
izzy b - Posts: 434
- Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 1:51 pm
- Which part of Spain are you from?: La Marina
- Gender: Female
-
andywyatt - Posts: 665
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2015 11:50 am
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Torrevieja
- Gender: Male
Re: Boom Boom
by andywyatt » Mon Jan 24, 2022 7:28 pm
Subject: FW: Pain Pill
The dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.
'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the
man objects.
I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas
mask on is suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any
objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. "'I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra."
The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as
a pain killer!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give
you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth."
The dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.
'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the
man objects.
I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas
mask on is suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any
objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. "'I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra."
The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as
a pain killer!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give
you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth."
-
andywyatt - Posts: 665
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2015 11:50 am
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Torrevieja
- Gender: Male
Re: Boom Boom
by andywyatt » Mon Jan 24, 2022 8:01 pm
RETIREMENT BONUS
If this doesn't make you laugh, you are truly humour impaired!
The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000...
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with £96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief Stoker who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my penis to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two Officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measure was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to drop 'em,' which he did.
The Medical Officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's penis and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'
The Old Chief calmly replied, ' The Falkland Islands'.
If this doesn't make you laugh, you are truly humour impaired!
The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000...
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with £96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief Stoker who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my penis to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two Officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measure was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to drop 'em,' which he did.
The Medical Officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's penis and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'
The Old Chief calmly replied, ' The Falkland Islands'.
-
andywyatt - Posts: 665
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2015 11:50 am
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Torrevieja
- Gender: Male
Re: Boom Boom
by andywyatt » Tue Jan 25, 2022 5:12 pm
A couple of friends are holding a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns Night called Chinese-Burns Night.
I wasn't keen but they twisted my arm...
Happy Tuesday Folks.
I wasn't keen but they twisted my arm...
Happy Tuesday Folks.
-
andywyatt - Posts: 665
- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2015 11:50 am
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Torrevieja
- Gender: Male
Re: Boom Boom
by Big Wheeler » Mon Jan 31, 2022 11:38 pm
Tesco have installed a medical machine which,for £5 and a urine sample,will diagnose any condition.When my mate went with a sore elbow the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow.Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 days.Impressed,my mate wondered if he could fool the machine.He mixed tap water with dog poo,urine samples from his wife and daughter,and then pleasured himself into the mixture.When he tipped it into the machine next day the printout read "1. Your tapwater is too hard.Use softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm.Give it antibiotics. 3. Your daughter is on cocaine.Get her to rehab. 4. Your wife is expecting twins.Not yours.Get a lawyer. 5. If you keep playing with yourself,your elbow won't get better.
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
- Big Wheeler
- Posts: 588
- Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 4:18 pm
- Which part of Spain are you from?: Algorfa
- Gender: Male
Return to Quesada general discussion
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: StormBoy and 11 guests
Login
Find in Quesada
Quesada pages
Quesada discussion
- Quesada general discussion
- Banking and finances
- Broadband, Wifi, Phone and TV
- Buses and public transport in and around Quesada
- Driving to Spain / Car hire in Spain / Buying and owning a car in Spain
- Fiestas in Quesada
- Flights, baggage and airports
- Health services in Quesada
- Insurances and wills in Spain
- Items for sale and wanted in and around Quesada
- Interesting articles about Spain
- Jobs and careers in Quesada
- Lost and found in Quesada
- Market days
- Places to go for free Wi-Fi
- Recommended restaurants / cafes / bars
- Recommended Tradesmen and Companies
- Residency in Spain: padron, residencia and passport advice
- Safety / security information and property in Spain hints and tips
- Taxes in Spain: Suma, NIE and general tax advice
- Taxis in Quesada
- Things to do and places to go in and around Quesada
- Utilities in Spain: Electric, gas and water recommendations and advice
- Weather in Quesada
- Where to buy things in and around Quesada
- Where to hire things in and around Quesada
Properties discussion
Businesses and places in Quesada
- Bars and pubs in Quesada
- Beaches near Quesada
- Beauticians / Beauty salons in Quesada
- Bedding and soft furnishings shops in Quesada
- Butchers in Quesada
- Car dealers in Quesada: new and used car dealers
- Car garages, mechanics, tyre fitter centres in Quesada
- Car hire in Quesada
- DIY / Bricolage / Ferreteria stores in Quesada
- Equipment hire centers in Quesada
- Estate agents in Quesada
- Furniture shops in Quesada
- Garden centres and garden furniture shops in Quesada
- Golf Courses in Quesada
- Grills / gates / metal items shops in Quesada
- Hairdressers in Quesada
- Hotels, guest houses and bed and breakfasts in Quesada and nearby
- Internet service providers that cover Quesada
- Launderettes / dry cleaners in Quesada
- Markets in Quesada
- Medical / Health centers in Quesada
- Pet shops in Quesada
- Pharmacies / Chemist shops in Quesada
- Restaurants in Quesada
- Shopping centres in Quesada
- Sports centres and gyms in Quesada
- Supermarkets in Quesada
- Swimming pool services in Quesada
- Town Halls (Ayuntamientos) in Quesada
- Waterparks/Aquaparks in Quesada
- TalkQuesada » Board index
- The team • Delete all board cookies • All times are UTC [ DST ]
- Our other websites:
- Costa Blanca forum
- Costa Calida forum
- Costa del Sol forum
- Costa de Almeria forum
- Costa de la Luz forum
- Costa Dorada forum
- Costa Brava forum
- UK forum
- Jobs in the UK
- Our policies:
- Privacy policy
- User agreement
- Content policy
- Website created and operated by JSM Forum Websites