Boom Boom

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently," she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - "Is that one word or two?”

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is"...?
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right"...
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town...
I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday...
I'll show you how to get to Heaven"...
The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, bullshit...
You don't even know the way to the Post Office"...

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read
:"Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. Next Sunday is my 84th birthday, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna.
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read,
"Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office!"

I had a ploughman's lunch today.

He was livid.

.

A young ventriloquist was touring the clubs and, one night he was doing a show in a small town. With his dummy on his knee, he started going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stood on her chair and started shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people.
You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not
only blondes, but women in general ... pathetically all in the name of humour!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist began to apologise but the blonde yelled, "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little s**t on your lap!"..

OOOHHHH!!!! You'll be in trouble with all the lighter coloured haired ladies now.
I made a throwaway line about men with ponytails and was questioned about my lack of hirsuteness.

I would like to tell that poster that I went to the Chinese shop and bought a very little and cheap wig.

After all, it was a small price toupee.

SENIORS & COMPUTERS..........
As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric (the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control) and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him 'So, what was wrong?'
He replied 'It was an ID ten T error.' I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'
'No' I replied.
'Write it down' he said 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:
ID10T
I used to like Eric, the little shit head.
If you're not a Senior yet, send this to someone who is.