Boom Boom

You don't want to get that on your naught bits, ask me how I know!

Try veet instead ...!!!

Please explain

You never read the VEET reviews on amazon ...world famous ..!!!

Hears one
https://www.thepoke.com/2019/07/19/this ... ery-funny/

Accident Report.

This one needs an introduction, so you won't be lost at the beginning. This man was in an accident at at home so he filled out an insurance claim. The insurance company contacted him and asked for more information. This was his response:

"I am writing in response to your request for additional information for box number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.

I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 150kg of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and material down by hand I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using the pulley attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 300 pounds of tools.

You will note in box 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 75kg. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope so, needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40 foot level I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of it."

Devoid of the weight of the tools the barrel now weighed approximately 10kg. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11.

As you might imagine I npw began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40 foot level I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report however that, as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope..."

A young woman gives birth to twins ( a boy and a girl).

The doctor comes to see her to say that her brother had called to suggest names for the children.

"Not that stupid guy" says the woman "but go on what did he want to call the girl?"

The doctor replied "Denise"

"Oh" she said "I quite like that, what did he suggest for the boy?"

"Denephew" replied the doctor